What to expect from dead people

• When you come home, they’re not there


• They don’t bring home groceries or help with dinner


• No help with the kids’ homework, scheduling appointments or driving


• The laundry piles up unless you wash it, it stays in the basket unless you fold it and put it away


• Apparently being deceased eliminates the ability to operate a vacuum cleaner


• Conversation is extremely one sided


• If unlike me you’re lucky, they might visit you in your dreams


• No back, shoulder, or foot rubs


• When you wake up in the middle of the night hugging something, it’s either a pillow, a wad of blankets, or yourself


• Pictures don’t suffice