March Times On

Tomorrow night is our first Relay for Life team meeting. It is also Peggy's birthday. It is the month we got married. It is the month we separated. It's also a month where I typically go through some sort of chemical change. I suppose the coming of Spring and the change in the amount of light triggers it. I'm really hoping for a dramatic change. I've felt more out of control this winter than I have in a long time. There are times when it's like another personality takes over my consciousness, and I am compelled to do things that I cannot resist. I remember a time when my daughter was four. I was driving home from work, and running late, and I suddenly realized I'd taken the wrong exit. It was like I had exited my body and was watching myself drive. I parked on the Plaza, got out of the car, walked across the street and stared in a window of a shop. In the window was a display of children's artwork. The first one I see is by my own daughter. I stood there almost catatonic for a short time, then I snapped out of it, got in my car and drove home. I assume that somewhere in my mind was a recollection of hearing that the display would be there, and that's why it happened. In the Merlin/King Arthur trilogy by Mary Stewart, The Crystal Cave, The Hollow Hills, and The Last Enchantment, I related to the descriptions of Merlin being taking over by divination. I work hard at maintaining humility and not believing that it is anything more than a chemical imbalance or a brain disfunction. Hence my belief that it is best for schizophrenics to be atheists.