it's so bad it's so bad

I definitely did not belong where I was, but music made it ok. My own playing this evening was worthwhile. I played well and people were genuinely appreciative. The conversation and interaction afterwards was ok. But then I ended up at the brewery listening to Ripple Effect because it seemed like a good idea. Some stranger was nice, and I thought it would be ok. But it didn't take long for me to slip into a oversensitive paranoid state. Fortunately I was able to keep myself in check. I sat in a corner at one point, writing on a paper towel from the bathroom, and some guy named "Chance" came up and started talking to me. It didn't take long for him to get nervous and leave. It was funny because I was writing at the moment he walked up about how I shouldn't be inflicted upon other people. I lose all sense of boundries in that state and almost anything can come out of my mouth. Now that I'm home, the hollow space in my head is closing up again and I've avoided awakening them. There's still a small opening, but it's playing music and showing images of the dance floor. I'm a little nervous about sleeping. I think if I read long enough, my dreams will be harmless. Alcohol is a dangerous gamble for me. I need to maintain a constant vigil keeping my mind in check. All the wine I drank at the shop lowered my defenses. Had I gone home, I would've been fine, but that guy outside was so nice, and interesting, I was lulled into the idea that I might fit in. I was fine while the music played and nobody made eye contact with me. This writing has purged the anxiety, and I'm feeling calm again. And the quietness of the sleeping world around me is comforting, as is the sound of my own breathing. Soon this will all pass, and I'll be able to resume the uninterrupted life I'd been having. It's now all just an annoyance rather than a threat.