Possible replies

Gosh, so nice to hear from you.

Wow, you're so clever.

How long did it take you to compose that one unpunctuated line?

Wow, you're cute. We should go out some time.

Did you hear the one about the penis that went into the bar? The bartender looks up and says, "get out of here you fucking dick."

You have reached a human that has been disconnected. Please check your soul and try again.

And your source is?

It'd be easier to understand what you're saying if you pulled your head out of your ass.

Feel better?

Anger management is a repeatable course.

I love you too.

It's usually best to know what you're talking about before you say something.

If you can't say something nice, then you haven't changed a bit.

My therapist says you're a poopy butthead.

I sincerely wish you the greatest happiness possible.